Monday, September 28

Why Does No One Speak?

I am in a class right now that has opened my eyes to the area I now live in.

A new reality to the USA that there are a lot a people who forget about it...

Everyone preaches about safety and equality, but

What happens when someone isn't treated with equality?

What happens when people aren't safe?

What happens when people want to talk about it?

The room goes quiet.

No one wants to talk about what happens when an American is attacked unless the American has light or dark skin.

No, one but the media-- and it is their job to blow it out of proportion so that people will watch their news and read their articles.

If the American has a lighter skin tone then the lighter skinned Americans start shouting from the rooftops "See it happens to us too!" or "Look at the black man, they think they can get away with anything!"

If it is a dark skinned American then "They were asking for it" or there are other American of the same skin tone that shout "Look at this, look at what the white man has done to our brother"

And then there is the family of Americans that fall under the Adjectives "LGBTQ"

Look at what happens to them when they start telling people, they are harassed every single day of their life by something that someone has said in the passed...

They are burdened with something that someone might say today

And they are tortured with the words that do get said, or the people that touch them because now they they aren't "straight" it doesn't matter because "they like it"

before i get much further all i have to say is ... LOSE THE ADJECTIVES!!!

1) Why do we care who people have sex with?
2) Why do we care what color our fellow American is?
3) Why do we have to know the entire life history of a person before it is okay to like the person they are inside?
4) Why do we hurt each other and think that it is going to prove a point?

Seriously America?

We live in the same country

We have been in this country for almost the exact same amount of time.

We are American

Whether you have light skin or dark skin (or somewhere in the middle)

Whether you tell the world you sleep with a person of the same sex

We were all born here to be called American

And those who were not born here worked their a$$ off to prove that they were "good enough" or "worthy" to live here.

Leaving out the fact that America is the land of the free (free = equal?)

I want to teach in low income schools, because there is the most diversity, and those are the children who need the most love and support (Which all children need by the way)

It is heart breaking for me that this fear and pain is passed down and taught to our children,

I volunteer every week in a low income center to help children get a full meal and some extra homework help,

A beautifully diverse group of children, ages, and cultures all getting along together (most of the time)

And last week was the first week that i realized that this is something that is taught, I am a light skinned female american, and i have always loved working kids, I have wanted to be a teacher since i was 4 years old, it has been engraved into my mind.

But there was a little girl, tiny little thing with so much attitude and sass it made her big, she was so cute. And as a first grader she wanted nothing to do with me,

She was scared of me because i had different skin, she didn't trust me because she has been taught that the light skin people are the ones who are going to hurt her.

A child should never feel that kind of fear

A child should never have to know that kind of hatred.

And yet i know she is not the only one...

So America, what are we going to do?

Do our future generations need to see more pain and hatred?

How are we going to become one country, one family, one culture, and be all different at the same time?

Being different makes us America, so why punish each other for it?

Saturday, August 22

NightTime Jitters


Whether or not you remember them is nothing

It's like they terrorize a part of your brain to forever be paranoid even if you don't know what it is you are looking to be paranoid from...

There is a level of darkness that come with a nightmare

something that is almost like a leech feeding off you, even the ones you don't remember are enough to set you into a skittish mood, and makes the day dreary like when grumpy or sad care-bear had the rain cloud hanging over their heads...

A nightmare could be as simple as a spider bite
Or it could be as extreme as a watching someone commit a brutal murder

There are children who have nightmares about dinosaurs for as long as they can remember

(possibly causing them to never want to watch a dinosaur movie ever again through their adult and teenage years)

I remember growing up starting in the 5th grade there was this movie store with rows and rows of movies and i would always go into it with friends or my parents.

I started having nightmares about a ghost chasing  me through the store and no matter how loud i screamed for help my mother wouldn't turn around. As i got older the store got larger and more deserted , there was never anyone there to help me ...

About two years ago was my last dream of that nature, but not before i had two different versions one was me seeing the man behind the counter and it was a thing that looked a lot like the grim reaper, and then one night my dad went to the store instead of my mom and then the ghost chased me but it turned into something else  and i think it finally caught me that night and i haven't had the dream sense

I am one of those people who rarely has nightmares that they remember fully but when i do it is never the little ones that you can shake off...

Why do people get nightmares?
Why is it necessary that we dream?
What do I gain from dreaming?

What do my mom and sister gain from having horrible graphic nightmares from something they watch or see or hear about?

I have been unbelievably irritable and jumpy lately
I think that this has to do with nightmares i don't remember.

The only thing that is gained is that there is something that gets yelled at, cussed out, or i get these little red dots in front of everything, and i know that i am not that person

Yeah i might cry at nothing sometimes (no matter how annoyed i get about the fact that i do)  but i don't get that angry, i never have...

I can be explosive sometimes but it takes a lot of build up and is mostly just frustration to get there.

So it makes me wonder, what is the cause of these nightmares that triggers the paranoia in my brain

What makes people more or less prone to nightmares?

To those who dream for a living, how do you control your nightmares?
How do you keep your nightmares from controlling you?

especially the ones you don't remember...